


Rock Bottom

by Xigheart (MelancholicBard)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Drugs, F/F, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Polyamory, Recovery, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Underage Drinking, its just weed, poly relationships because FUCK YEAH, summer after high school, this is a ventfic, ventfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-24 08:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2574809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelancholicBard/pseuds/Xigheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TEMPORARY HIATUS. I haven't updated in forever because Real Life has gotten in the way. More to come when I've written a few chapters ahead!</p>
<p>It doesn’t always hit you like a steam roller. It doesn’t always take tragedy. Sometimes, you fall into depression just because. </p>
<p>Between bullshitting his way through college and trying to keep his shit together, Levi Ackerman decided he didn’t need to know his diagnosis, whatever it may be. It was hard to go to class. It was hard to read the books he enjoyed. It was generally hard to exist. He has been self-medicating with a pipe and a lighter for years now, but summer after his first year away at college, he knew something had to change. What he didn’t know is that he would have to hit rock bottom before things got better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Party Hard

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME TO MY VENTFIC. No seriously I'm basically writing this to avoid all my problems. 
> 
> I just want to note before you start reading, that there is a little scene between Levi and Armin near the end, and despite the inebriation of both parties, consent has been implied before hand. As in the past before the beginning of the actual plot. There is no dub-con or non-con in my fic I refuse to allow it.

When you’re young, no one tells you what depression feels like. Or when they do, they lie. It’s not overwhelming sadness. It’s especially not constant sadness. It’s boring. You become boring. You find vices. Your life begins to revolve around these vices. People become irritating. Friends become estranged. And lovers? You begin to think those won’t come along anymore. 

It was a little worse for those that become depressed young, like the subject of our story today. Because, like most of us in America, Levi Ackerman never knew the signs. As a fifteen-year-old high school freshman, he became boring. Once he became a boring sixteen-year-old sophomore, people became irritating. By the time he was a seventeen-year-old junior, he had gone through girlfriends and boyfriends torn between loving it and hating it every second. When he was an eighteen-year-old senior, he somehow found his way to graduation. Boring, lonely, and irritated. 

Levi also found some vices. One of these vices is why we find him, at nineteen, on the balcony of his room in his parent’s unnecessarily opulent house summer after his first year at Trost University. His laptop sat on the table that his mom had dragged out to the balcony for him when he was fifteen “just in case friends come over.” No one really came. Although, he remembered, Hanji and Erwin want to visit. 

The thought slid past him as he held up his lighter and took a hit from the pipe in his hand. Originally thinking that he was going to be productive in the June heat, he had a few tabs of his browser open to some research that might be useful for a possible thesis. But, halfway through his second bowl of the night, he switched to YouTube to find bad parodies to laugh at while he was high. Futurama was paused on Netflix in another tab. 

When he finally cashed his bowl, he picked his shit up and moved back into his room. Closing and locking the balcony door shook the room a bit. “Fucking shitty ass cheap builders,” he muttered before opening his door to let his cat in. Lady Flounce-a-lot happily trotted up and sat on his bed. He followed her with his laptop. 

The air conditioning had chilled his room to a point where he was actually a little cold, especially after the weed he smoked. Climbing under his blankets, and dislodging his cat temporarily, he settled into bed with his computer in his lap and his phone charging a few inches away from his leg. 

Ready to just uncontrollably laugh at Netflix for the next few hours before sleeping, he happily got comfortable where he sat. He liked this level. He liked the high. It was a few hours to just be happy at stupid things until he fell asleep and actually stayed asleep for longer than six hours. He checked his phone sporadically, for what reason he had no idea. It was about an hour before he got a text… From an unknown number??

_Hey Levi. Idk if you’ve deleted my number so this is Mikasa. There’s a party tonight and you’ve been enough of a recluse this summer come out._

Levi had to snort. Of course he deleted his cousin’s number when he left for college. Its not like they actually did anything together. A party could be fun, right? But there was also one little problem. 

_Why in the ever loving fuck would I go to a party with a bunch of high school shits?_

_First of all, we’re all graduated now bitch. Second, your mom has been nagging at me that you don’t go out enough._

Of course. Levi knew he should be pissed at that, but he was too high to care. 

_Fine. Just come get me I’m already high._

_Okay. If you have any left, bring it to the party for entrance fee._

_What the fuck kind of party has an entrance fee? That’s such bullshit. I’ll just buy a six-pack of shitty beer._

_You’re underage._

_That has literally never stopped me._

Levi finally put his phone down. He stayed in bed, half annoyed, for another couple of minutes while he watched Jesse Pinkman make poor life decisions on his screen. He was comfortable, stoned, and had a cat that wanted petting. Literally why would he get up and change into real people clothes? 

Then it hit him. There was absolutely no reason to change into real people clothes. He got out of bed and changed into a pair of sweats instead of his pajama pants, grabbing a jacket as he left. Just in case. He texted his mom to tell her that Mikasa was taking him out and if he was gone when she woke up, he was probably still out. Finally stepping out onto the porch with his wallet in hand, he lit a cigarette and played around on Facebook until Mikasa pulled into the driveway. 

His cousin rolled down the window of her car. “Are you seriously not going to share your stash with your own cousin?” Mikasa asked with a mock-serious face. “Because that’s just rude as hell.” 

Levi rolled his eyes. “Well I would if my cousin wasn’t such a shitstain on my life. I’m not sharing with a bunch of would be college kids,” he replied. “I’ll buy you fuckers beer because you’ll actually drink that swill. And its cheaper for me.” 

Mikasa huffed. “Get in bitch, before I leave you here to walk.” 

Levi had to laugh. He got in the front seat and buckled up. “So is that little mushroom blond going to be there?” 

Mikasa sighed. “Yes, Levi. Armin will be there and yes, if you get him drunk enough he’ll probably give you a lap dance if you ask nicely.” 

To Levi, that was most excellent. It was actually Armin that helped him figure out he was also attracted to men, as well as women. Ever since their first encounter a few years ago, they enjoyed the occasional hook up when Levi was feeling it. But not tonight. He felt like flirting tonight, but not really doing anything. He was on a happy level that would last for another hour or so. 

“You might want eye drops before going into the store,” Mikasa said, holding out a bottle of anti-redness eye drops. 

“Nah. Petra’s on duty tonight at the gas station just drive there and she’ll let me buy whatever.” 

Mikasa nodded and the cousins spent the rest of the short ride to gas station. Levi was actually wrong about Petra being on duty. It was Nile on duty tonight and Nile would sell just about anything to anyone for an extra five bucks. 

Down about fifteen dollars, Levi scoffed at Nile’s jabs about being driven around by his younger cousin and got back in the car. “Here’s your shitty six pack of piss tasting beer,” he said, setting it on the ground. “Don’t your rich ass friends have kegs or some shit? Seriously why the fuck am I bringing this?” 

“Because we’re also part of the rich ass fuck group and it’s polite, you turd,” Mikasa said. “If you’re just going to bitch about it I can take you home.” 

She had no intention of taking him home yet at all and they both knew it. 

“Fuck being polite. Whose house are we even going to?” 

“Reiner’s.” 

“Which one was that?” 

“Tall. Blond. Looks like he could fight a bear and win.” 

“Right. Is this going to be one of those shitty parties where everyone’s trying to make it look like the movies?” 

“Well Reiner’s parents are out for a few weeks so I’m assuming yes.” 

Levi paused, his face forming an incredulous expression, unsure of what to say next. “You’re fucking shitting me.” 

Mikasa just laughed. “Shut up. There’ll be pizza and you can smoke more when we get there.” 

And that was good enough for Levi. Reaching for the stereo, he turned on the radio for the remainder of the ride, totally zoned out to the poppy top-40 whatever song was playing. 

Arriving at Reiner’s house was a bit of a process. Levi snapped out of his haze when he noticed a larger volume of cars than one would usually find parked on the sidewalk while they drove up a hill. The next thing he noticed was the lights. They glowed through the warm haze not so far away. Then, it was the bass. He could hear it from a couple of houses down. Wouldn’t the neighbors get mad? Whatever, as long as the cops didn’t get called. Which in this neighborhood, never happened.

Thankfully, being part of the “inner circle” of Reiner’s friends, Mikasa had a spot reserved for her near the even more ridiculously opulent than his own house front entrance to the small mansion that was Reiner Braun’s house. After they had parked, Levi sat in the passenger seat while eyeing the house carefully. 

“Seriously this is the last place that would need a fucking entrance fee,” he griped at Mikasa. He had every right to. The house was probably bigger than some grocery stores in the city. 

“So I lied. I just wanted to make sure I had enough beer to get Eren off his high horse. I love him, but he’s been a dick ever since graduation,” Mikasa said right before plucking the six-pack off the ground and leaving the car. 

Levi watched her go with squinty, bloodshot eyes. “Fuck this…” 

With a sigh, he pulled himself from the comfortable interior of the car to face the summer heat. After closing the car door the first thing he saw was the trunk of a palm tree. Following the column of the tree with his eyes, he found that it was taller than the house. “What the fuck is it with these big-ass trees…” Yeah, he had a bit of a chip on his shoulder when it came to his height. But when you were a grown ass man standing at five foot three, it got a little annoying when people talked down to you. His eye bags were at least enough to keep people from asking if he was a fucking high school freshman. 

Not knowing how much time had passed since he started glaring at the tree, he looked around for Mikasa. He spotted his cousin sauntering into the house with the six-pack that he bought. It wasn’t that he wanted to drink it, it was the principle of the matter. It was his six-pack; he should be the one flaunting it as they walked in. He shook off his annoyance and followed her into the house. He was sure he could find some people playing cards or watching Family Guy or some other equally awful show. 

Walking into the house was a bit of a challenge. Despite the open doors and windows, the air inside was still stale with the smell of alcohol and sweat. Levi could have bolted right then and there because it was so disgusting. But, he instead chose to fight his way through the drunken crowd of barely legal grinding bodies and make it into the backyard. 

The air out there was only slightly cooler and slightly fresher than inside. It seemed pretty clear that Reiner had been partying since his parents left. People were in the pool doing things that would end up in the expulsion of bodily fluids. Levi made a note to stay away. From his spot next to the backdoor, he scanned the mass of people in the backyard. It looked like it was an open invite and the entire graduated class from Shiganshina High School had showed up along with a few people that Levi recognized as from his own class the year before. 

His eyes finally landed on his true prize for leaving his house tonight. The flicker of a flame followed by a red glow of embers could be seen on the other side of the pool. His people. Levi quickly picked his way across the yard, careful to give the pool a wide berth, and settled down in an empty spot in the toke circle. It was a bunch of kids he vaguely recognized, but hey at least he’d be high for the rest of the night. 

“Hey aren’t you Mikasa’s cousin?” asked some kid with an undercut who was sitting next to Levi. 

“Bitch, I might be,” Levi replied. “Pass me the bong.” 

From a few spots away, a dark haired kid with freckles piped up, “It’s Jean’s weed. House rules say he doesn’t have to share unless he wants.” 

“And I won’t share with people I don’t know,” kid-with-undercut-named-Jean said from next to Levi. 

Levi groaned. He didn’t want to socialize but he had to think about the free weed. “Yes I’m Mikasa’s cousin, now will you pass the fucking bong it’s literally in your hand.” 

Jean passed him the bong, rolling his eyes. Levi thanked him with a curt nod before fishing his lighter out of his pocket. It was orange, not his favorite color but the most obnoxious color BiC made and he picked it so he wouldn’t lose it. Taking his hit and passing the bong along to the next person in the small six-person circle, he watched the smoke curl into the air. His eyes were already going dry and the cottonmouth settled in as he stared up at the sky. 

Weed always made his hearing a little wacky. Levi’s attention was 90% focused on the music floating out of the house. He could feel the bass line in his chest. Because of this, it took him a little bit to realize someone was talking to him. 

“Dude, are you really that high off one hit?” Jean asked. The boy’s eyes were bloodshot already and he seemed to be holding in a laugh. 

“I’ve literally been smoking for hours before Mikasa dragged me out. I figured this party can’t be more boring than Netflix,” Levi replied with a shrug. 

Everyone in the circle laughed, nice and toasty for the late evening. Just about everything was funny at this point. 

“Yeah well there’s a betting pool to see who gets caught fucking first. I’m thinking it’ll be Bertolt and Reiner. But there’re tickets out for Eren and Armin and Marco and me too. Although I’m not sure how that last one’s going to happen because Marco over here is probably too stoned to get up,” Jean explained to Levi. The freckled boy who spoke earlier blushed a bit so Levi assumed that was Marco. “Oh! And how long it’ll take before Ymir has annoyed Krista enough to get pushed into the pool.” 

“Hey! It’s been hours and I’ve only bugged her twice, shut the fuck up.” The voice came from a person who Levi hadn’t even realized was female until he heard her speak, causing him to give her the most confused look to cross his face since first semester calculus. 

“Shit that’s a woman…” Levi said, his voice breathy with disbelief. Eyes still trained on the tall freckled brunette; he started to pay more attention to the rest of the group. To his left, Jean, then some kid with a buzz cut, then a brown haired girl with a pony tail, then Marco, then Ymir (??) directly to his right. 

Ymir was obviously quite a bit taller than Levi, and it showed even while they were sitting. She was giving him the dirtiest look as if it were a mortal offense to not immediately realize her gender. But, instead of cowering in fear like normal people, Levi squinted at her, acting like she was a five year old who was offended because the store only had yellow starbursts and not pink ones. 

Being toasty as she was, Ymir could only laugh in return. In his inebriated state, Levi’s expression only served to make him look very, very, very, very confused. 

Levi knew his cool college kids semi-façade was gone by now. He made an attempt, but it was too late now and it wasn’t as if anyone who knew him would believe it. 

“Whatever, Ackerman. Glad to know I can be a surprise to some people unlike these bitches,” Ymir said, still laughing. She nudged Levi with her elbow in a teasing manner. “But one day I’m going to bang that girl so hard…” 

Still squinting at Ymir, Levi could practically see sparkles forming in her eyes. 

“Yeah whatever, titan girl,” Levi griped about her height. 

They settled into mellow conversation with Marco trying to talk about their place in the universe every other second and Connie, the kid with buzzed hair, refusing to allow it to happen. Two more bowls were packed and passed around and all six of them were basically a pile of laughter within half an hour. 

Levi eventually identified the final remaining mystery person as Sasha after Connie had to continuously sit her back down every five minutes when she jumped up shouting, “IS IT PIZZA TIME YET?” It was entirely Sasha’s fault that he had some hardcore munchies right then. Pizza time must be now. Levi would make it now. 

_Mikasa, I bought you beer go buy me pizza._

_No._

_Fucking rude ass bitch. Get me my munchies._

_No._

_What on this god-given earth could be more important than pizza right now?_

_Literally everything._

_Mikasa plz._

_… Did you just ‘plz’ me? The struggle must be so real for you._

_Mikasa I will literally get on my knees and beg._

_LEVI I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU BEG- Armin_

_Armin will you buy me a pizza and like a gallon of OJ?_

_Sure! Come hang with us! We’re in the living room that’s not full of 500 people!_

_FUCK YES. Mikasa why can’t you be a cool mushroom like your friend?_

_Because you’re my cousin and I’m universally obligated to give you shit._

Levi licked his lips in anticipation before putting his phone down. Pizza time would be in half an hour and he was going to ditch these losers for pizza. He had a feeling that Sasha would leave zero pizza for him to eat if he let on that there was any. So, he got up and stretched, stumbling for just a moment while his body recovered from the change (however slight) in altitude. 

“It was nice and all to smoke with you brats, but my cousin calls. Bye.” With that, he turned on his heel, wobbled a bit, and was on his way. A chorus of ‘bye!’s followed him away. He didn’t actually know where he was going exactly, but he figured the house was a good place to start. 

Picking his way across the partygoers yet again, still avoiding the pool as much as he could, Levi safely made it back into the huge ass house. Levi’s eyesight was going just a bit off and the music was deafening and overpowering. He looked for a familiar face. Walking around and some how ending up in the kitchen, he grabbed a water bottle from the ice bucket that was on one of the counters. Checking that it was still sealed (for safety because he had been at enough college parties to know that creeps came in all shapes and sizes), started drinking out of it, feeling so refreshed when he was done. 

“WHO WANTS TO DO SOME GRADUATION SHOTS YEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!”

Levi almost jumped (he totally jumped) at the loud voice coming from somewhere to his left. There was a teenager kneeling on the table that fit a very familiar description. 

Tall. 

Blond. 

Looked like he could fight a bear and win. 

Reiner. 

There was a much taller boy who was sweating buckets standing next to Reiner, clearly trying to coax the blond off the table. Levi approached carefully, unwilling to get roped into shots. Never again. 

“Reiner, right?” Levi asked. He practically had to shout over the music and din of the party. 

“Hey!! Short, angry looking, and totally stoned! You must be Levi! Nice to meet you little man!” Reiner replied exuberantly. He climbed off the table and offered a hand to Levi. 

Pointedly ignoring the hand due to the insult to his height, Levi tried to glare at Reiner. It came out looking like a squinty, angry hamster, causing Reiner to start laughing his ass off. 

“Oh my god, you do realize you look like a very angry rodent right?” Reiner asked between laughs. 

Completely unamused, Levi grabbed the tall blond’s wrist and shoulder, forcing Reiner’s torso against the table. 

“Ha fucking ha. Do you know where Mikasa is?” Levi asked, not letting Reiner up. 

“What the hell man?! Let me up!” Reiner struggled against the hold. 

Levi was just annoyed at that brat. “I will once you tell me where my damn cousin is.” Seriously he just wanted to go sit down and eat his pizza. 

“Jesus! Okay just go upstairs and keep walking until you see double doors. That’s where she usually hangs. Now fucking let me up!” Reiner was still struggling against the hold Levi had on him. 

“Thanks.” The sarcasm dripped from Levi’s voice. He let Reiner go and made his way upstairs. The music from the party on the first floor was muffled as he went up the stairs and the strains of sound he vaguely recognized as Fall Out Boy floated around. The stairway led into a T shaped hallway, taking his chances with walking straight forward, he found double doors. 

Fucking score. 

Levi flung the door open and walked into the door, actually a little bit ecstatic to see Mikasa and Armin. He spotted the six-pack he bought earlier on the coffee table and My Little Pony of all things was playing on the flat screen. Before he could make a not-so-snide comment about the choice of entertainment, he was met with an arm full of mushroom blond. 

“Levi! I’m so glad you could make it yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!” Armin’s speech was a little slurred and Levi noticed that his pupils were also blown. The blond proceeded to wrap himself around Levi and not let go. 

“What the fuck is he on?” Levi asked Mikasa, only slightly worried. Armin was a pretty friendly drunk but he was being far more forward than he usually was. 

“Someone brought pot brownies and Armin didn’t realize what they were. He’s a little loopy so I brought him up here,” Mikasa replied a shrug. “He was pretty drunk to begin with though so we’ll see how this ends up.” 

Armin planted a wet kiss on Levi’s cheek in response to Mikasa’s words. “I’m not that druuuuuuuunk. Levi kiss meeeeeeeeeee,” he whined. 

Levi complied and gave Armin a chaste kiss to appease him, but not wanting to do more in front of company. He stayed where he was while Armin pawed at him for a bit. 

Mikasa’s phone went off a moment later. “Oh. Eren’s here with the pizza. Make sure Armin doesn’t die while I’m gone, okay?” 

Then she was gone out the door. Levi made to follow her to make sure OJ was happening too. He wanted his OJ. OJ was very important at the level he was on. But, Mikasa was already gone. With a sigh, he turned his attention back to Armin, fully intending to keep kissing the smaller boy. 

“You’re a really horny mushroom, you know that?” Levi said, chuckling. 

Suddenly Levi lost his balance and found himself crashing into the wall opposite from the double doors they had come out of with Armin firmly attached to his face and neck. Armin was clearly too high to think about what he was doing, but Levi had the practice to make out properly. He snaked his hands down to Armin’s bubble butt and pull the blond’s body to his with purpose. Then molding their lips together so the kissing would be less wet and less gross, he flipped them so Armin was against a door that Levi had not noticed earlier. 

Levi could hear footsteps coming down the hall again, but didn’t care. His skin was on fire and the human contact was everything he wanted right then, munchies be damned. Reaching around Armin’s back to get at the doorknob, he wrapped an arm around Armin’s waist to keep them upright before flinging the door open. 

A few things happened at once. Mikasa announced that pizza had arrived and that yes, she did have Levi’s OJ. A girly shriek ripped his attention away from the small, very willing blond attached to him. And Ymir’s voice could be heard shouting “WHAT THE FUCK HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF KNOCKING, ASSHOLE?” 

The commotion from inside the room had Mikasa and Eren peeking over Levi and Armin to investigate. Armin, the blessed little mushroom, was the only person who was saved from the sight of Ymir’s head between Krista’s naked thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! This chapter has only been lightly beta'd and if you find any mistakes, PLEASE TELL ME. I also hope you enjoy me and my meme-team life.
> 
> If you want to blog about this on tumblr, I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO. I snagged the tag 'fic: rock bottom' and am tracking it. You can also find me on tumblr currently at the url 'xigsnow' and once the new year passes, 'xigheart'!


	2. No Chick Flick Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi recovers from seeing a vagina. There is netflix and food and emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy welcome back to my fic. I realized that I should do the responsible adult thing and say this: Kids, don't do drugs. Drugs are bad. Don't smoke either. Or drink before you're legal to or 25. Make good life choices. 
> 
> And as in the last chapter, there is some more inebriated Levi/Armin. Consent was given at a prior time. NO NONCON HERE.

Levi was absolutely frozen, and was far more sober than he was two seconds ago. His eyes were fixed on the skin that Krista wasn’t hiding very well, and as much as he enjoyed vaginas, seeing hers was not on the agenda of his life. Ever. Before any crude comments could slip out of his mouth, muffled giggling interrupted his train of thought.

“Krista!!!” Armin’s voice was breathless from being pinned, but he wasn’t complaining. “I can totally see your vagina! Oh my god did you wax yesterday or something because you’re totally hairless!”

The screech that came from Krista’s mouth is what completely sobered him up. This was not how he pictured his night. Ymir was screaming at them to get out and something about killing the mood. Levi wanted to throw something at her because she was destroying his buzz.

Levi rolled off Armin and stood up, stalking away from the room and back to the living room that was previously inhabited by only Mikasa and Armin. He collapsed on the couch with his eyes closed and his head back. Briefly hearing a scuffle outside the room and a door slam, he refused to acknowledge anything else happening other than his body relaxing into the chair. There was still plenty of THC in his system to make him settle down for the night.

“Thanks for letting Ymir bitch at me.”

Still with his eyes closed, Levi flipped Eren off in the general direction that the younger boy’s voice was coming from.

“Levi, that’s not very polite…” Armin said from the same direction. His voice was still giggly and airy, and he clearly was not afflicted with the same curse of being sober that Levi was.

“Well shit happens, Armin. I won’t be polite again tonight until I have a fucking pipe and lighter in my hand,” Levi replied, still greatly agitated. The hand that was flipping off Eren was then thrown over his eyes with little care. His buzz was totally gone and seeing Krista, a legal adult who happened to look barely pubescent, totally spread eagle on a bed was something that he wished he could bleach from his brain. 

Feeling someone sit on the same cushion as him, Levi had to keep talking, “Unless you hand me something to un-sober myself with, fuck off.” 

To which was responded with a baggie of something thrown into his lap. 

Levi finally opened his eyes again and eyed the ziplock bag on his knee. It held an eighth of an ounce in it and he could have cried with joy. Opening it and sticking his face into the stink of the leaves, he laughed and turned to whoever was next to him in gratitude. 

“Okay Eren, what’s the catch. There is no way you’re just handing indica to me for free,” Levi asked with a hugely critical tone, despite the rare show of happiness on his face that was twisting his features unnaturally. 

“No catch. I know a dude who grows. An ounce of this for less than 150. I’m counting it is a godsend,” Eren replied with a smile. “However, this is just to share. And you have to agree to watch Freaks and Geeks for at least two hours without complaining. Besides, Mikasa said that you bought beer which is about how much this would cost anyway.” 

Levi knew he should at least protest the stab to his humanity that was not complaining about some ‘90s after-school special, but free weed. Free weed was what got to him. 

“It’s a deal unless mushroom drags me out halfway through.” 

Mikasa stood by with pursed lips, not totally behind this. Levi could feel her judging them from the doorway but couldn’t give a single fuck. He was home for the summer, and that meant doing better than he was doing at school. But somehow, the past two weeks of lazing about in bed with his cat hadn’t done anything for him. He needed the high so he wouldn’t crash. Not now. Not in front of so many people. 

Mikasa recognized the look in his eye, seeing the terror. She sighed, resigned to the fate of her friends. “I’ll go grab you some water. Your pizzas and OJ are on the table.” 

Levi nodded in thanks before Eren’s pipe was shoved into his hand with a bowl packed as high as it could get. Taking his lighter from his pocket, he took his hit before passing it back to Eren. Armin had managed to fiddle with the TV and PlayStation 4 so it was set to Netflix. Levi took lazy hits while watching a young Jason Segel play a stoned high schooler and appreciating the look of young James Franco. 

“Can’t we skip to that one episode where the girl gets super paranoid after smoking for like two seconds?” Eren’s voice piped up from beside him. It caught Levi’s attention and he looked over to the other boy. Eren’s eyes were bloodshot as hell and a silly grin was plastered on his face. He was on the good level. 

“You do that. I’m smoking another bowl,” Levi said, reaching for the pipe again. Eren didn’t fight for it. Lighting the greens on the second bowl, the cotton mouth set in again and he grabbed the water that was sitting on the table… That had appeared out of nowhere? 

No. Mikasa was back, sitting with Armin who was latched onto her side like a barnacle. Levi had absolutely no clue when she had returned, but it seemed like she had appeared out of thin air. Her lips were pursed, with some emotion that Levi couldn’t read. 

“Mikasa… Are you angry at us?” Armin asked, clearly trying to whisper but not realizing he was being kind of loud. He was looking at her like the world was ending because she wasn’t high with them. 

She only ruffled his hair and pulled the small blond boy closer to her side with a tiny smile. It was good enough for Armin. He let out a happy sigh and snuggled further into Mikasa’s body before turning his attention back to the screen. 

Levi started losing track of time. He tried to keep track of how many minutes had passed by watching Freaks and Geeks, but with the grungy green jacket the main character always wore, he couldn’t tell if five minutes had passed or fifty. But, he had been drinking his orange juice while picking at the pizza that’d been given. Considering that half a gallon of OJ was gone along with two of the three pizzas that were brought, he was willing to bet that a decent amount of time had passed. Either that, or he had the munchies way worse than he originally planned for. 

Looking down, he noticed that yes, he did have a slice of stuffed crust sausage and had apparently been mindlessly nibbling at it for a while. The munchies were strong. But, he felt that it was time to stop eating. His stomach was beginning to protest at the work that Levi had given it and he was getting a bit of a food baby. Setting the mysteriously appeared slice down, he settled back into his comfortable seat on the couch with his eyes closed, ready to nap. He didn’t sleep very well without a little help, and being so ridiculously high was very much help with sleep.

But, before he could doze off, a weight settled in his lap and hands were in his hair. Opening his eyes again, he was met with the sight of bright blue eyes and fluffy blond hair. Armin’s butt was in his crotch and the blond’s face in his neck. 

“Levi… Let’s find an empty room!” Armin tried to whisper into Levi’s ear. But because Armin was still stoney-baloney and probably crossfaded in all its goodness, it came out as more of a stage whisper, bordering actually yelling. Levi’s eyes flicked over to Mikasa to see if she was paying attention, but she appeared to have dozed off in the lull of activity that followed Eren and Levi’s smoking. 

Looking at Eren, Levi noted that the younger boy was completely zoned into Netflix and wasn’t going to notice him and Armin leaving. Perfect. But, he was somehow reminded of a problem, even in his inebriated state. He had no clue how to get around the house or even iif there actually were any empty rooms. 

Instead of completely discouraging Armin from the blond’s previous intentions, Levi pulled Armin closer to him with wandering hands and pressed gentle kisses on Armin’s throat. “You have to find one for me. I have no fucking clue what the house rules are for blond, huge, and stupid,” Levi whispered, continuing to touch Armin. It had been too long since Levi had felt any kind of intimacy. Just the three weeks he had been away from his college, where Erwin and Hanji had forced him to be in a cuddle pile at any given free moment, was taking its toll. 

“Shooooosh. Levi don’t shout!” Armin whisper-shouted again. Levi was unsure if Armin was actually going to be coherent enough to continue, but the blond appeared to have most of his bearings back. At least enough to get up, pull Levi with him, lead him around the couch (to not let Eren know they were leaving) and out the room. Once they were out of the rec room, Armin spoke up again. “Second floor is off limits to people who aren’t personal friends with Reiner! If the door isn’t closed, we can use it,” Armin continued in the same manner as before. 

Instead of leaving Armin’s addled mind to figure out if any room was actually unused, Levi took the lead. Avoiding the door that they had crashed through earlier to make sure he didn’t get an eye-full of vagina again, he walked until he saw a door that was wide open. Happily finding a completely empty room with an actual bed, he pulled Armin into it and shut the door. Levi could have actually praised some kind of deity when he found that the door also came equipped with a lock. He locked the door and turned his attention back to his favorite blond. 

Armin was already on the bed and messily pulling his own shirt off. Levi looked at him for a moment, appreciating Armin’s body, before helping him with his miserable attempts at removing his closing. Once Armin’s shirt was off, Levi flung his own shirt off. His fingers itched to fold their clothing and set it aside, but that would have to wait until they were both naked. He could wait at least that long. 

To reduce the time would take between that moment and when he could satisfy his incessant need to fold the clothing, Levi pushed Armin down and pulled the fabric of his jeans and boxes off his body. Armin’s shoes were no where to be seen, so Levi assumed that they had been kicked off earlier. Levi toed off his own shoes before stripping his own clothing off. It took him less than a minute to fold his clothing and set it on the night stand. Reaching for Armin’s discarded clothing, he was finished with the blond’s shirt before he realized something important that they were missing. 

From where he was kneeling on the floor, completely naked, Levi straightened up and looked directly at Armin. “Do you have lube and a condom? At least lube?” he asked with one hand reaching for Armin’s pants. It took him a second to think about it, but realizing that he hadn’t exactly been celibate in the past four months, he wasn’t about to put his friend in danger. “A condom is required too actually.” 

It took Armin a few moments of thinking really hard with a cute, focused expression to get back to Levi who was still frozen on the floor. “Yeah! In my jeans pockets there should be a few packets,” he finally replied, pointing at the puddle of fabric that was his pants. 

Levi grabbed the pants, and dug around in Armin’s surprisingly deep pockets before pulling out a handful of foil packets. “Okay how the hell did you fit all that in your pocket without me noticing it was there when you were in my fucking lap?” Levi asked before quickly folding the pants and putting them in a separate pile from his own clothing. 

He flung the packets of lube and condoms onto the bed next to Armin before climbing on top of the younger man. Armin was becoming more coherent as it became clear that he was finally coming down from his high. That was good as far as Levi was concerned. Being more sober was always good for sex. More coordination usually meant less pain. 

“I think you were a little distracted by my ass in your lap,” Armin replied while snaking his arms around Levi’s neck and pulling him closer. 

Levi closed his eyes before kissing Armin. He remembered that the blond was fond of kissing, and he wasn’t going to complain about that. Kissing was… intimate once sex became more common than an actual relationship like it had for Levi. It was reserved for those that dating. It conveyed love and care, things that his hook ups didn’t care about at all. It helped Levi pretend. He could pretend that Armin loved him for the night. It wasn’t going to fix whatever was wrong with him, but it was a bandaid for the hurt and it was enough for now. 

He clung to Armin as they kissed, slipping his tongue into the the blonds mouth. Their hips ground together and their kiss was broken by Armin arching his back, throwing his head back, and gracing Levi’s ears with the most sensual moan he had heard since the last time they were together. While Armin was breathing heavily, recovering from his held breath, Levi left small kisses down the column of the blond’s neck and all over his chest. 

The time that they had together was Levi’s time to pretend. He felt all the god awful feelings in his chest rise and pushed them down as best as he could to keep tears from welling up in his eyes. Pretend now. Break down later. 

Keeping his face hidden from Armin until he was sure it wouldn’t give away anything he was feeling, Levi kept kissing his way down Armin’s body, ready to get to the main point of the night. He appreciated the feeling of Armin’s hands on his back and in his hair. There were no words between them anymore. It wasn’t the first time they had fucked, and it wouldn’t be the last either. They knew each others’ bodies well enough to just move on instinct by now. 

Levi straddled one of Armin’s legs, grinding their erections together while reaching for the pile of foil packets next to them. Carefully picking out which ones were lube and which ones were condoms, he ripped open a condom packet and pulled away from Armin slightly. 

“When was the last time you got fucked in the ass?” Now was not the time to beat around the proverbial bush. It was an actually important question. 

Armin laughed. It had been a while since the last time he had been subjected to Levi’s particular brand of bluntness. “Well the last time someone else fucked me was January when you were doing it. Last time I fucked myself up the ass was like last week.” 

The older man almost cringed. He knew that Armin knew they weren’t exclusive, but it didn’t stop him from feeling like a slut. Either way, Levi continued touching and kissing Armin. He rolled the condom on before picking up a pack of lube and slicking up his fingers to prep the blond. Even though they both knew that this was just a release of all the pressure of their lives, that it should just be quick, hard, fast like it had been before; Levi couldn’t bring himself to make it the fast fuck it was supposed to be. 

He used his clean hand to touch Armin’s body gently, softly, while taking his time to worship the blond’s torso with his lips. Levi slipped a finger into Armin’s ass, keeping his lips attached to the blond’s skin, teasing. He wanted to keep things fairly slow, but Armin instantly relaxed around his finger and moaned, begging for more. 

So, Levi slipped a second finger into him with total ease. He kissed Armin’s neck as the blond begged for more, faster. But, Levi felt like teasing him a bit more. The older man slowly twisted his hand and spread his fingers, making sure Armin would be ready when they finally got to the main event. 

But Armin wasn’t helpless in this situation either. The blond grabbed Levi’s head with both hands and pulled him forward so their lips was touching and he could grind his hips into Levi’s fingers. Levi moaned into the kiss while continuing to spread his fingers in Armin’s ass. The blond moaned again, encouraging Levi to thrust a third finger inside. There was no resistance and Armin practically shouted, “JUST FUCK ME ALREADY.” 

Levi wasted no more time. He carefully withdrew his fingers while lining up his cock with Armin’s entrance. He felt the blond’s hand on his face, pulling him in for another kiss while he pushed in. Their kiss lasted longer than necessary, giving Levi the time to fully seat himself in Armin and for Armin to adjust to the intrusion. Levi was the first to pull away from the kiss, heaving for air since his lung capacity wasn’t the greatest after smoking for so long. He shifted his weight on his knees, causing his hips to move. The blond moaned again, clutching Levi close. 

Groaning into Armin’s neck as he thrust into the blond, Levi felt himself relax. Armin was holding them close together and squeezing around him. This was the best part for Levi. When he could give to Armin as much as he could and feel wanted, needed even, while they moved. Levi squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears start to form as the feeling of just being with someone overwhelmed him. He rolled his hips, grinding into Armin’s ass while holding on to the blond’s hips. 

It didn’t take long for the grinding, touching, and stroking of skin to completely undo Levi. Soon enough, the older man came, shuddering, into the latex around his dick with one hand on Armin’s erection. In the seconds after his orgasm, Levi stroked Armin into one of the blond’s own. Armin moaned as he came, splattering ejaculate all over his stomach before Levi carefully pulled out. 

Spent, Levi crashed onto the side of the bed that didn’t have condoms and packets of lube. He felt himself start to doze off with one of Armin’s hand on his chest, having not felt this relaxed in weeks. But something was keeping him awake. The itch in the back of his mind that told him he could not rest until everything was clean. He tried to ignore it. 

But he couldn’t. Two minutes later, he was up again. And with that, the illusion of stability and love that he had created was over. Levi pulled the condom off and tied it off before walking to the ensuite bathroom and throwing it out. While he was there, he grabbed one of the hand towels and got it wet, wiping himself down to get rid of the last vestiges of sex from his body. He walked back into the bedroom with the wet cloth in hand, a soft smile touching his face when he saw Armin dozing off on the bed. He gave Armin the same treatment he gave himself, wiping the cum off his body. He tossed the cloth back into the sink, feeling much better than he had before. 

Unfortunately for him, getting up and moving around had his muscles tensed again. Levi sighed before pulling his clothing back on. Armin was… completely passed out. So Levi pulled some blankets over the blond’s body to save him from getting too cold during the night. 

Levi ended up fishing his phone out of his pocket before comfortably settling down on the bed. He opened up his kindle app and pulled up the book he had been reading, not wanting to drain his battery life any further by watching Netflix. While reading, he felt his body slowly relax again. 

But relaxation wouldn’t be the happy end to his night. No. His sleepy vibes left as he heard Eren’s voice in the hallway, shouting for Armin. It had Levi scrambling out of his comfortable seat and shaking Armin awake. It wasn’t exactly a secret that they had been sleeping together, but he knew that Armin hadn’t told Mikasa or Eren. Something about jealousy or making sure Eren doesn’t fight Levi for no reason. But that would all be for nothing if Armin didn’t wake up and get dressed in the next two seconds. 

“Armin! Wake up,” Levi said, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. “Put your damn clothes on before Eren comes in and tries to kill me.” He threw Armin’s clothing at him. 

It took a moment for the words to sink in to Armin’s brain, but when they did, there was a scramble to get dressed. 

“Armin!” Eren’s voice was closer now. Armin was still trying really hard to get his pants on while Levi helped. Unfortunately, it was all for naught. The door was flung open and Eren’s head stuck into the room, his mouth forming a silent word. 

Everyone froze. Again. 

At least this time no one had their face in anyone’s naked genitals. 

“Were… Were you guys fucking?” Eren asked. His voice was filled with shock and… jealousy? Levi couldn’t be sure. 

“What?! No! Why would you think that?!” Armin said while trying to casually dress himself as if he wasn’t stark naked a minute ago. 

“How long has this been going on?” Eren’s voice was now steady: angry and dangerous. 

Levi had already started slowly moving away from Armin, trying to keep Eren’s famous temper at bay. Now was not the time to get in a fight with some brat. Mikasa cared for the kid and beating him into a pulp wouldn’t be conducive to getting him back to his house considering that she was his ride. 

“Over a year.” “Nothing’s going on!” 

Levi and Armin spoke at once. Armin completely denied anything happening at all. Which meant that Levi was now in the shit house with the blond, causing him to furrow his eyebrows in a cringe. 

Levi and Armin carefully kept an eye on Eren, waiting for the brunet to react in some way. But instead of blowing up and attacking Levi like they were expecting, Eren just walked out. The hall was silent until the telltale thuds of someone running down the stairs sounded. Armin quickly threw the rest of his clothes on before following Eren out, not bothering with another word to Levi. 

He watched them leave without much more of a thought other than ‘there goes my summer comfort.’ He knew he should care about more than just that. But it was still his time to be selfish. He could fix it later. 

But, Levi knew that he couldn’t leave everything for later. Checking his phone, he noted the time. 3:28 am. Most people would be gone by now, so he slowly and quietly made his way down the stairs. Reaching the bottom, he glanced out the windows facing the backyard and could see Eren screaming at something in toward the back of the pool while Armin sat a couple of feet away from him, letting the taller man blow of steam. Good. That was taken care of. 

He wandered toward the kitchen, wanting to both find something to drink and explore the house a little. He passed the main living room of the house and found Mikasa with shaking shoulders and her face in a blond girl’s neck. She was crying. That made Levi curious. He almost wanted to ask her what was wrong, but restrained himself. It probably had something to do with Armin. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa had an unusually close relationship for three people. But Levi wasn’t about to judge that. He had found himself jealous of it more than once. So for now, he left them to be. 

Finally finding the kitchen again, Levi grabbed a bottle of water from the counter and looked around. There was no doubt that he wasn’t going to fancy being Reiner in the morning and having to clean the house. Just thankful that he wasn’t compelled to clean the kitchen for the host, Levi made his way back up to the second floor living room and settled down, reading again. It was close to 5 by the time he actually fell asleep. 

_______________________________ 

After Mikasa woke up to find Levi and Armin gone, she had steeled herself. There was more than one reason they could be gone. For all she knew, her cousin could have grown a heart while he was away at school and was holding Armin’s hair back while he sobered up. She wasn’t going to think about it. Not now. Not if she could avoid it. 

She couldn’t pinpoint when her feelings for Armin began to develop. If it was when they met when she and Eren were starting the 4th grade and she saw this tiny blond boy with the biggest book she had laid her eyes on, or if it was when Armin gave the most ridiculously rousing campaign speech for student council president, she didn’t know. But it was somewhere in there. But now one of the people she loved the most was off with someone else and she just couldn’t deal with it anymore that night. 

Mikasa schooled her features into place before heading downstairs, but not before making sure Eren was okay. He was still zoned-in to Netflix and wasn’t about to be disturbed by anything. She passed the living room on her way to the kitchen to grab some water. Coming back the other way, her blank motions were were interrupted by a soft voice. 

“Hey hot stuff, can I buy you a drink?” Annie’s voice came from the couch that Mikasa was passing again.

Mikasa laughed. She could always count on Annie to make her laugh. “Sorry. I appear to have already gotten myself a drink.” 

Her words pulled a chuckle from the blonde woman’s mouth. Both of them ended up in a small fit of giggles that found them sitting on the couch, leaning against each other. 

“Rough night?” Annie asked, concerned for her friend. “I haven’t seen you with that look on your face since sophomore year when Armin came out and some guys beat him up. What happened?” 

Mikasa tried to brush it off like it was nothing. But Annie was basically her only female friend and her boys were great, but sometimes she just needed girl talk. She spilt her feelings for Armin all over Annie, still trying to lie to herself about the likely relationship between Armin and Levi. And like a good friend, Annie just nodded and allowed Mikasa to deny the painful truth for now. The blonde knew that Mikasa would have to face the truth eventually, but not now. 

Unfortunately, the truth was solidified not too long after they had lapsed into silence. Eren came storming down the stairs and breezed past them with Armin trailing behind. 

“Eren! Wait! Just wait! I can explain!” Armin pleaded with his friend. Annie and Mikasa went unnoticed to the two boys who were practically running through the house. 

At Armin’s words, Eren stopped and turned on the blond, halfway to the kitchen. “Explain? Explain what exactly, Armin? That you were fucking him? Levi fucking Ackerman of ALL people?” his words trailed off as a frustrated scream was ripped from his throat. He stormed into the backyard with Armin still following him. 

“Fuck…” That’s all that Mikasa could say before her the dam broke and tears started flowing down her face. She buried her face into Annie’s neck and let herself cry and be held by her friend. She didn’t know how much time had passed from when she started until when she stopped sobbing, but it didn’t matter. Annie kept one arm around her for comfort and they eventually fell asleep together on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it??? 8D Comments are HIGHLY welcome because it does let me know how things are going. I'm also a bad author and honestly forget what the fuck I'm supposed to be working toward half the time. 
> 
> If you want to find me on tumblr, you can find me at the url 'xigsnow' for the month of November and the month of December! After that, I switch back to 'xigheart.' I also track the tag 'fic:-rock-bottom' Happy interwebing!


	3. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the end of the night didn't go well, and the morning after wasn't much better. Also ereri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOO. I'm gonna slap a HUGE ASS TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER.  
> There is mentions of suicide and self harm. please please please turn away if this bothers you.

When Levi woke up, the sun was already shining through the windows. He checked his phone for the time again. It was a bit past 8am and his phone was down to 27% battery. Only getting three hours of sleep wasn’t ideal, but it was still better than nothing. He could nap later when his body gave up on him, but now was the time for him to fix the bullshit that happened last night. 

He got up from the couch, stretched, and slowly made his way back down stairs. Neither his cousin nor her friends were in the room he left so he went on a search. Carefully knocking on each door as he passed it, he peaked in to the rooms to see if there was anyone he recognized. Unfortunately, the only people he found that he knew were Ymir and Krista, who were still clearly naked but asleep. Levi closed that door with a shake of his head because now he had also seen Ymir’s boobs. Another body part on the list of things he didn’t want to see from the people he knew. 

Blinking the sight of Ymir’s nipples out of his sight, Levi went down the steps quietly. He was thirsty again and decided to go back to the kitchen and see if anyone else could be found. Passing the living room again, he found Mikasa and Annie passed out on the couch with the Asian girl laying on top of the blonde. He stood there for a moment, looking at them with his head cocked to the side. He decided that whatever was up with them was none of his business, and it wasn’t his place to judge. 

He eventually made his way into the kitchen and found the place still a mess. Reiner must not have gotten up yet. Levi grabbed another bottle of water and chugged it, relieving most of his morning thirst. He looked out the window to the back yard, finding Armin propped up in a lawn chair, fast asleep. If Armin was out there, he assumed Eren was too. And, he needed to talk to Eren. 

Whatever the outburst was last night, he had to keep it from happening again. Levi needed some kind of touch, just human contact, to tide him over until Erwin and Hanji. He was selfish enough to do whatever it took to keep it. So, he walked out to the back yard with another bottle of water in his hand and searched for Eren. He ended up finding the brunet laying spread-eagle under the gazebo where Levi had been smoking the night before. It was a good number of feet away from where Armin was sleeping, so it was as good a place as any to talk. 

Sober now, sitting on the ground with the dirt and filth of outside wasn’t on the list of things to do. Nor was touching someone who had been laying in it for a few hours. Instead, Levi nudged Eren with his bare foot (feet that would need to be washed as soon as he got back inside) and called out the younger man’s name until he finally stirred. 

“Hey shitstain. Wake up before I wake Armin up,” Levi groused when Eren was refusing to open his eyes. 

At the insult, Eren finally cracked an eye open and in a split second was on his feet, ready to challenge Levi. Woken up after a short sleep and a bad night, he was angry with his fists up and about to strike. 

Levi was unimpressed by Eren’s display of masculine bravado. “Look brat, I just want to know what the fuck happened last night. Why did you run out after finding Armin and me? And keep your voice down so you don’t wake him up.” 

Eren noticeably deflated at Levi’s words, letting his hands hang at his side. He was just too tired to put up much of a fight. Four hours of sleep might have been okay for some, but definitely not for him. “Look… I was just kind of pissed because Armin and I have been friends for years, you know? We had always promised to tell each other if we ever started seeing anyone or ever got any action. We’re _best friends_. Since 3rd grade!” 

Watching in disgust as Eren dropped to the ground again, Levi just nodded in response. His movement was barely acknowledged as the younger man kept speaking. 

“I’m also mad, because of all the people he could be fucking, it was you. I know that you aren’t the type of person to take advantage of vulnerable people, but you’re still an asshole…” Eren looked up to see if Levi would disagree. But there was no way to refute that. Levi was an asshole. 

“And…” Eren continued, still looking at Levi, “You are really fucked up. I know you need crutches to keep yourself up. You’re basically an addict. In high school, you were addicted to school and reading. I know the only reason you didn’t make valedictorian is that you have awful people skills. Now, you’re basically addicted to weed. How much did you smoke last night? It would have knocked a normal person out way before you even felt anything. You’re an addict and now that I know you’ve been with Armin, you’re using him to fulfill an addiction to something because I know you’re not addicted to him. If you were, it would be different because he fucking deserves someone who’s addicted to him.” 

Levi kept Eren’s gaze through the entire tirade. He couldn’t really deny any of it. He wouldn’t have called any of it an addiction, but he did have cravings. He had craved something to occupy his mind with. At the moment, he did crave affection and touch because fucking Erwin and Hanji got him hooked. But weed? No. That was to stop. That wasn’t a craving, it was just a way for him to stop for a while. 

When he was high, Levi could sleep. His incessant need to tidy up and keep became a passing thought. He didn’t have a million thoughts, fears and anxieties, filling his mind. It was a break. 

But instead of pouring out feelings vomit at Eren, Levi just nodded. “I’m not addicted to weed. I’m 19 and in college. It would be like calling tall, blond, and tank from last night an alcoholic.” 

Eren snorted. “Sure.” 

Levi was about to walk back into the house when Eren spoke again. “You know when you moved here four years ago, we all thought you were pretty cool at first. Armin and I both had a stupid fucking crush on you because you were older, hot, and openly queer, you know? Then you ended up being fucking cruel to us. We gave up. You stopped being cruel but I was never under the impression that you actually liked us. I don’t want Armin getting mixed up in what ever kind of fucked up system you have going. He deserves better.” 

“He does. But like you said, he fulfills one of my cravings. I won’t let go that easily.”

And with the final word in, Levi walked back to the house, easily ignoring the frustrated tears that were welling up in Eren’s eyes.  
________________

Levi made it back to the bedroom he had occupied with Armin the night before and quickly stuck his feet into the bathtub to wash them. The outdoors were gross as hell. He would have taken a shower, but he didn’t have a change of clothes and it would have been pointless to put on dirty clothes after a shower. He ended up back in the living room and fiddled with his phone until it ran out of battery. His mom texted him in the meantime, telling him that there was lunch in the fridge when he got back. 

His conversation with Eren was still nagging in the back of his mind. The thirty minutes or that he had been playing flappy bird wasn’t much in terms of getting him to move on. His hands itched to do something else because no one else was awake yet and he couldn’t go home. Eren was right. He was selfish. He was fucked up. He was- 

No. Not here. Not now. He couldn’t afford to go down that hole in here. Especially since he couldn’t hide from everyone for an undetermined amount of time. 

But there was a kitchen to be cleaned, Levi remembered. That is what he could do until people woke up. 

Quickly finding his socks and his shoes in the abandoned room, Levi walked down to the kitchen as fast as he could without actually jogging. Once there, he started opening cabinets to find the cleaning supplies and trash bags. He spent the next two hours throwing things out and scrubbing the counters and the floors, pointedly ignoring anyone who walked by or through the kitchen. 

When the kitchen was finally clean enough for his standards, his muscles were sore and he sat on one of the chairs by the kitchen table. He laid his hands on the table and kept his fingers splayed out in front of him, determined to focus on them and nothing else until he could get home. It wouldn’t be long now. It was almost noon and he was starting to hear shuffling the living room. Good. That meant Mikasa was awake. It wasn’t like her to sleep past 10am, but it had been an interesting night for everyone. 

Levi started counting the wrinkles on his fingers. When he was done with those, the streaks in the grain of the wooden table. Anything, just _anything_ to keep his mind off what he wanted to think about. 

He got up to 238 before Mikasa came by to tell him they were leaving. Levi groused about having to wait so long, but his cousin ignored him. He saw Eren and Armin waiting for them by the car. It was quiet when they got in the car. Mikasa and Levi in the front were content to leave things silent, but Eren and Armin were both figeting in the back seat. 

“Armin, do you want to come to our place or do you want me to take you home?” Mikasa asked once they were out of the neighborhood. Levi could practically feel the tension lift from the back seat as she spoke. 

Armin indicated his want to stay with his friends more and it was silent again. This time, it was much less tension filled and Levi still tried to keep his mind occupied by timing how long it took for the painted lane dividers to come into view and leave the side mirrors. 

Levi was so relieved he could have cried when Mikasa pulled into his driveway. With a quick nod of thanks to her, he pulled out his keys and let himself in to his house. Closing the door behind him, he let out a deep, shuddering breath. Setting his keys into the little hook by the door where they went, he calmed himself long enough to run up the stairs and into his room. 

It was a mess when he left but he saw that his mother had picked up all his dirty laundry. That in itself was almost enough to throw him into a panic attack. He definitely appreciated the sentiment of the act, but it threw him off when people moved his things. Instead of letting himself fall into the sinkhole, he started cleaning his room. 

Two hours of moving, dusting, scrubbing, and wiping later, his room was sanitized but his heart was still racing. Lady Flounce-a-lot was on his bed in all her fluffy glory, meowing at him. Sitting down on the bed with his head back, the cat sat in his lap and pawed at his face. Tears were already leaking from his eyes even if he tried to stop them, they wouldn’t cease. 

Levi’s face was still impassive as he started crying. Lady Flounce stuck her head in his neck and started purring in hope to make him stop, but he couldn’t. 

He wasn’t good enough. Not for Armin. Not for school. Not for Erwin. Not for Hanji. Not to live. 

He thought about making it all stop. Just making it all stop. He had pills. He had knives. He could do it. 

But he couldn’t. 

_‘You can’t even fucking kill yourself properly.’_

The thought had passed through his head more than once in the past year. 

_‘Why the fuck do you want to kill yourself anyone. You have it. You have money. You’re in school. You have friends. You have everything. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.’_

He felt guilty for feeling bad too. There was no reason for him to feel so wrecked all the time. But he did. And being so self critical, it meant that he felt guilty because he thought he shouldn’t. 

It was the cycle. The sinkhole he fell into. Lady Flounce stuck her pink nose into his ear and he hugged her. The cat started protesting being held, but he kept holding on to her. Burying his face into her long fur, he let his tears fall freely while hiding his scrunched up face. 

For the next ten minutes, only disgruntled cat noises and periodic sniffling could be heard in the house. Levi’s tears eventually dried up and he let go of his cat. Laying down, he tried to ignore the summer heat while trying to muster up the energy to stand and go about his day. All he wanted to do was watch netflix until Erwin and Hanji came. He also knew that he should brush out his cat and wash her. She probably wasn’t enjoying his tears and snot in her fur.

That was what got him out of bed. He had to clean his cat. 

It was a methodical process that got him up again. He ran the bath, not too hot, not too cold. He hunted down the grey and white Norwegian Forest cat, whispering calm nonsense to her and bribing her with treats. He brushed her, gently, causing her to purr. Then he stuck her in the water. After a quick rub down with cat shampoo and ruining an old towel to dry her, he was feeling functional again. 

Functional enough to try to reevaluate his existence. 

Sitting down at his desk, he turned on his lamp for better light before pulling out one of his old notebooks from last semester. Flipping open to a blank page, he started making a list. 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  
Stop striving for perfection.  
Stop dwelling on before. Focus on now.  
Stop dwelling on later. Focus on now. 

It was good enough of a start for him. He decided it was also time to quit feeling overwhelmed in public. There was no reason for him to feel the way he did, so he would stop. Block out the feelings. They were pointless and awful. 

Levi’s phone buzzed before he could keep going down his current train of thought. His head whipped toward the sound, not realizing that he had plugged it in to charge while he cleaned. Walking over to his bed where his phone was laying, he sat down on the mattress and checked his messages. Yet another unknown number. 

_It’s Eren. Mikasa gave me your number._

_What the fuck do you want now?_

_I need you to stop sleeping with Armin before he gets in too deep. We both know that he will._

_I made it clear to him before the first time we fucked that I wasn’t about to start dating him._

_Yeah but that doesn’t mean he won’t start falling for you asshole_

_I’m not about to give up a good lay just because you tell me to._

_Trade in. I’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want to me as long as you stop with him._

_Whoring yourself out now?_

_Fuck knows I need a good lay and if it’ll get you off Armin’s ass its good enough for me._

_How noble._

_Will you do it?_

_Who says I even want you?_

_I have a better ass than Armin. We’ve all agreed._

_So?_

_Fuck Levi will you just stop messing around with my friend!? You have my number now. I will literally go over or you can come here whenever you fucking want. I just know you’re going to fuck Armin up if you keep doing this._

Levi set his phone down again. Eren was right. He was right...

_Fine. Come over tomorrow afternoon and I’ll see if you can fucking keep up._

He knew he would fuck Eren up too, given the chance. But the brunet didn’t take nearly as much shit as his blond friend. He would stand up to Levi and they both knew it. It would be just sex, nothing else. Enough to sustain him.  
________________

By the time his stomach started growling for food later that night, Levi realized he needed a release from the self deprecation that he felt. It wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be, keeping it so bottled up wasn’t doing him any good. He needed to make the feelings leave without actually feeling them. Levi rationalized it by thinking that feeling wasn’t going to do him any good either. 

So he ignored his stomach and picked one of the razors his mom kept around the house. 

It made things better for barely a moment. But that moment was all it took. Levi found another addiction. 

And he hated it. It was too obvious. Too _generic_. He wasn’t some 8th grader listening to My Chemical Romance. 

He picked up his phone again. 

_Fuck tomorrow. Come over now._

He typed the text to Eren with shaking hands and missed the ‘send’ button three times before getting it. Receiving an affirmative, he let Eren know that the front door was unlocked and to just come up when he got there. 

Levi flung the razor into his trashcan before cleaning himself up. The bleeding hadn’t stopped yet, so he wrapped his arm in some gauze before throwing on a jacket. He realized it would be weird to wear one in this heat, so he turned on the central air and got it going pretty cold. 

Then he impatiently waited, sitting on his bed, for Eren to show up. Keeping his arms tightly crossed across his diaphragm, his leg was bouncing off the side of his mattress. Luckily, it wasn’t for long. Within fifteen minutes he heard his front door open and footsteps coming up the stairs. 

Levi’s house wasn’t nearly as huge as Reiner’s and it was a pretty quick process of elimination to find Levi’s room. He kept his eyes trained on his door, reading to pounce when Eren came through. 

However, the younger man was cause for pause once he was in Levi’s line of sight. 

“Shoes. Off,” Levi commanded before Eren could walk further into the room. 

“What?” the reply held surprise more than confusing. 

“Take your shoes off and turn them sole side up outside my door before coming any further in you dirty rat,” Levi griped. “Fucking filthy.”

Eren’s eyes were wide and he continued to watch Levi carefully all while obeying the older man’s orders. The tension left Levi’s shoulders as soon as Eren’s shoes were off and outside of his personal space. 

“Good. Now come here.” 

Again, Eren obeyed the wordless order. Standing in front of where Levi was sitting on the bed, he quietly and awkwardly stared at the older man, waiting for something to happen. 

Levi was looking up at Eren with his arms still tightly crossed. “You’re consenting to this?” 

“To what exactly? What do you want to do right now?” 

Levi cocked an eyebrow at Eren. Really? They had _just_ been talking about having sex and he’s asking what they were about to do? 

“Well, I was going to suck your dick then see how I felt from there.” Levi’s expression was still neutral, bored even, making no effort to try to seduce Eren. 

The young man clearly wasn’t expecting such a straightforward answer. When he didn’t react outside of hanging his mouth open, Levi rolled his eyes and stood up. 

“God, I’m not dealing with this,” Levi swore. Without waiting for Eren to come back to earth, he stood up and unbuttoned Eren’s pants before turning them around and pushing the younger boy down onto the bed. 

With Eren sitting and still too shocked to speak, Levi kneeled between his knees. “Fucking stop me if you don’t want this. The last thing I want is to rape you.” 

Levi waited a solid minute before Eren nodded at him without further explaining himself. He took it as a confirmation of consent and reached for Eren’s half-hard dick. It was a decent enough size and Levi even considered letting the younger man top him eventually. But not today. 

He pulled Eren’s hips forward a bit so he was sitting on the edge of the mattress before paying attention to the younger man’s hard on again. Levi didn’t bother pulling Eren’s pants down further than necessary. This was going to be quick. He was feeling himself slipping and all he wanted to do was control. He could control this. 

Pumping Eren’s cock slowly, Levi coaxed him into relaxing. Eren’s breathing picked up and he threaded his fingers through Levi’s hair. His hand only rested on the older man’s head for a few seconds before Levi batted it away, muttering something about hand sanitizer. 

But Eren didn’t care. It had been a really long time since the last time he had been with anyone. It was obvious to Levi with how easy it was to put Eren in a state of wanton breathlessness. He hadn’t even used his mouth yet. 

Once Eren’s eyes slid closed, Levi decided it was time. Levi gave Eren’s now fully hard erection a few long, teasing licks with his flattened tongue. Then, while Eren’s thighs tensed, he finally took Eren’s cock into his mouth. Keeping his teeth out of the way, Levi took in as much of the cock as he could without choking before lifting away while sucking. 

The sound that was ripped from Eren’s throat could have pulled down heaven. It sounded out of breath, pained, yet still fully embodied pleasure. 

Levi almost rolled his eyes. Either it really had been _that long_ since the last time Eren got his dick sucked or whoever did it to him had no clue what to do. And Levi knew what to do. He prided himself in being good at everything he put his mind to. 

Slowly bobbing his head on Eren’s cock, Levi took in a little bit more every time he went down until he couldn’t fit anymore of the younger man’s sizable erection into his mouth. Levi’s hands rested on Eren’s tense thighs while Eren’s hands were fisted in the sheets. 

“F-fuh-fuck…” Eren moaned. “Shit, Levi… Fuck… I’m going to cum.” 

Levi took the warning to heart, speeding up the rate of his movements while keeping his throat closed. There was no way in hell he was swallowing. 

Eren threw his head back as he released his load into Levi’s mouth. It wasn’t sexy when Levi pulled away with his mouth full to catch the rest of Eren’s ejaculate in his hands. It was maybe two seconds between when Eren was finished and when Levi was back on his feet, rushing to the bathroom. 

Spitting out the spunk into the toilet and flushing, Levi made quick work of washing his hands thoroughly before reaching for his toothbrush. While he was squeezing toothpaste out, he noticed that Eren had managed to tuck himself back into his pants and was watching Levi from the doorway. 

“Can I fucking help you?” Levi bit out before shoving his toothbrush into his mouth. 

Eren’s voice was back with him along with his sass. “You’re more fucked up than you let on, aren’t you?” 

Levi rolled his eyes while almost violently brushing his teeth. Spitting out some of the excess foam that formed, he spoke again. “No fucking shit, Sherlock. You can leave now.” 

And with a shrug, Eren left. Levi heard the front door slam shut when he was rinsing the rest of the toothpaste out of his mouth. He would be okay for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I probably won't be able to update until the beginning of December. I have a research paper, another paper, and a take home test (basically a third paper) all due on December 3rd. :') Gotta get on that before fic. 
> 
> Comments, questions, concerns, or critiques? Let me know!  
> I track 'fic: rock bottom' on tumblr!


	4. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji and Erwin come to visit. WHAT NEXT?

A few weeks passed along with the month of July. Levi spent less time inebriated than he had spent the previous weeks and more time spent naked, or some variation of naked, with Eren. It wasn’t a perfect fix. Not even close. But it was something for him. It was helping him cope. But now for the first week of August, Levi could now push the younger man to the side and spend time with his friends. 

Levi was at the local airport in Shinganshina, sitting out by the baggage claim and waiting for the flight that was coming in from Stohess, where Erwin was flying in from. He played flappy bird on his phone, waiting for his blond friend to show up. He hadn’t left his car until after Erwin texted him that the plane had landed. It had already been over twenty minutes since then and what the fuck was taking him so long? The airport was tiny and Levi had once landed in it and been out and into his mother’s car in under fifteen minutes. 

Another five minutes passed and Levi gave up on waiting silently. 

_Where the fuck are you? This airport is tiny as fuck it shouldn’t take you half a fucking hour to get down the damn escalators._

_Sorry! There was an old lady who needed some help. :p I’m almost at the escalators._

Rolling his eyes, Levi patiently (not patiently at all) waiting for Erwin to come down to the baggage claim. With a backpack slung across one shoulder, Erwin caught the attention of a smallish portion of the crowd waiting for their bags. Erwin flashed Levi a smile before winking at one of the girls that had turned to stare at him. 

Levi gave the most dramatic eye roll he could muster in his current state of sleep deprivation, which turned out to be pretty damn dramatic. His head moved with his eyes while he heaved his shoulders, causing Erwin to laugh. The blond walked up to his friend, set his bag down, and crushed Levi in a bear hug that lifted the smaller man off the ground. 

“OH MY GOD PUT ME DOWN YOU FU- BRUTE,” Levi shouted at Erwin, only a little disgruntled at being literally picked up. He stopped himself from swearing only because he spotted a small child in the vicinity. He was a dick, but he wasn’t about to ruin the small youths more than their peers were going to. After his feet touched the ground, Levi did return Erwin’s hug, lingering for a few moments longer than was socially acceptable. 

Once they parted, Erwin stuck close to Levi’s side, still giving his ‘Captain America’ smile to anyone who passed. 

“So! It was a full flight and I gate checked my other bag. It’ll probably be one of the last ones to come out. And you, my friend, also look like complete shit,” Erwin said, completely chipper. Levi was thankful for it. They both knew it was easier for Levi if they treated his problems like a joke for the most part. 

“What can I say. Sleep is hard,” Levi replied. 

An obnoxiously bright green duffle bag came into their line of sight. It made Levi’s head hurt to look at it. A completely horrified look crossed Levi’s face when Erwin happily went over and picked it up. Levi actually bared his teeth in a snarl when Erwin completely unironically slung the strap over his chest and picked up his backpack. 

“All ready! When is Hanji coming in?” Erwin asked, trying to keep himself from laughing too hard at the disgusted look on his friend’s face. 

Keeping a wary eye on the bright green bag as if it was going to attack him after personally offending him, Levi answered. “Her train should be getting in in a few hours. She was going to fly, but said that flying was kind of a bitch to do because she hasn’t gotten her new ID in the mail yet.” 

Levi started leading Erwin out of the airport and to his car as he spoke.

“Oh yeah! She finally got the paperwork done, I almost forgot. I guess she won’t be on our floor again next semester.” 

“Probably not officially, but we both know she’s going to be there all the time.” Levi pulled out his keys when he finished speaking and unlocked the car. The small talk continued while Erwin threw his bag into the trunk and got in the car. They both agreed that Hanji would probably crash in Levi’s single room more often than not once the semester started. 

The drive to the train station was fairly quiet. They’d catch up later, when Hanji was with them. Until then, it was loitering at the train station with some ice cream for a few hours, bitching about school and classes. Considering the size of Shinganshina, the train station was also pitifully small and mostly unused. Most people in the area drove so it was almost pointless. No one bothered the two young men for the three hours they sat in the shade, waiting for their friend. 

2:30 pm finally hit and a train was pulling in to the station. The boys stood up a few moments before it stopped, ready to pretend that they had been waiting for only a few minutes and were hugely inconvenienced by having to stand for ‘the last twenty minutes.’ 

Their plans, however, were thwarted by Hanji bounding out of the train with her bags and her appearance had changed in an obvious way that anyone who could remotely appreciate female anatomy would notice. 

“When the fuck did you get tits?” 

The question slipped from Levi’s mouth before he could even think about it. Granted, over the last two years while Hanji had been transitioning, her chest had softened and she had grown small breasts, but it apparently wasn’t enough for her. 

“About three weeks ago! I got a vagina too, wanna see?!” she chirped with a big smile on her face. She was practically bouncing where she stood. 

The two boys looked at her for a few moments, still taking it in. After a minute had passed with general silence from them, Hanji laughed, grabbed their hands, and placed them on her newly augmented breasts. 

“Take a squeeze, realize they’re there, and lets move on! Come on its hot out and there wasn’t even any A/C on the train,” Hanji whined at Levi, giving her chest a jiggle. She would be the first one to admit that her new boobs were a little excessive, but she loved them and everyone else could suck it. 

Levi was infinitely glad that the train station was now completely deserted except for them. It wouldn’t do if people in this small town saw him fondling a boob in the public daylight. He did give the Hanji’s boob a squeeze and a jiggle. 

“Wow, those are really nice,” Levi observed in the most objective way he could. Turning to Erwin, who was still completely frozen with his hand on Hanji’s other boob, Levi had to laugh. The older man was a little straighter than Levi was and hadn’t exactly been with many women. The boob touch was fucking with his mind a bit. 

Hanji caught Levi’s gaze and the bother collapsed into laughter. Once Erwin’s hand was no longer touching Hanji’s chest, he snapped out of whatever reverie he had been in and scowled at his friends. 

“It’s not fucking funny!” Erwin snapped at his still laughing friends. “Boobs are new territory for me! Especially huge ones on Hanji!” He pouted after speaking, causing Levi and Hanji to laugh harder. The two ended up leaning against each other in fits of breathless laughter and Erwin eventually joined them. He knew it was all in good fun and they wouldn’t hold it against him. 

Catching his breath again, Levi had to look away from Hanji and Erwin to stop himself from laughing even more. His cheeks were already starting to hurt from his smiling. “Okay… Okay…” Levi started between heaving breaths. “We should get going. It’s hot. I’m hungry. And I want to get you two settled in before it gets dark out. I also want to give Lady Flounce-a-lot time to get used to you before you go to bed.” 

This time, it was Levi’s turn to be laughed at. His cat’s name was pretty laughable, especially since he had picked it out himself. However, he smiled along with his friends while leading the way back to his car. Erwin picked up Hanji’s larger bag like the gentlemen he always tried to look like, even if no one else was around. Just in case. 

“Shut up, assholes. I was twelve,” Levi griped at them without any real venom. 

The ride back to Levi’s house passed in small talk. Erwin bitched about the bad security rules for the airport. Hanji griped about the ID issues and how long and cramped the train ride was. Levi was happy to listen and drive. 

As they pulled closer to Levi’s neighborhood, Hanji cracked a joke about how the houses kept getting bigger as they drove up the hill. It was true. There were smaller houses at the bottom, then they grew to mid sized homes for the average middle class family, and then near the top of the hill was Levi’s neighborhood. It wasn’t the wealthiest area of town, but it was a close second. 

Hanji stared at the houses in awe. Most students at Rose State University Trost came from prestigious, or at least stupidly rich, families and went there for politics or business. Hanji was the rare science major there on scholarship. Her scholarship also included the student insurance that was actually really good and paid for her transition. “Levi, pay for my dinner for the rest of forever. You’re loaded,” she said with a serious expression on her face. “I’m expecting steak dinners from you at least once a week at that nice place by the mall in Trost.” 

Levi replied with a sigh and a “whatever.” He pulled the car into his driveway, opened the garage door, and finally parked his car. “Only a few big rules. Rule one: keep the doors to the outside shut unless you’re going through them. The cat likes to escape. She comes back, but it’s a pain to have to bathe her every time.” 

The two guests nodded in acknowledgement and handed Levi their backpacks before grabbing their own bigger bags. The garage door lead into the kitchen. Kicking his shoes off by the door, Levi continued his tirade of house rules. “Rule two: I don’t care if you wear shoes downstairs, but no outside shoes upstairs. You can leave them by the front door. Rule three: don’t be gross. Clean up after yourselves.” 

Erwin and Hanji nodded again, kicking their shoes off with Levi and picking them up to set down by the front door like they were asked. It wasn’t the most convenient thing for them, but they knew it would help Levi if they followed his rules. Levi set the backpacks on the couch before grabbing everyone’s shoes and leading them to the entryway where the shoes would go next to the stairs. 

They went up the stairs and Levi gave them a quick tour of the house, pointing out his parent’s bedroom at the top of the stairs, the guest rooms, and finally his own room sandwiched between the two guest rooms. 

“So my parents won’t actually be here until two days before you two leave. So the sleeping situation can be literally whatever the fuck you want to do,” Levi suggested, trying to indicate that he wanted a dogpile on his bed in the most roundabout way he could. 

Of course, being the good friends they were, Erwin and Hanji waltzed into Levi’s room and set their bags at the foot of the bed before flopping on top of the covers together. Erwin scooted up so he was leaning against Levi’s headboard while Hanji posed herself in a ‘draw me like one of your french girls’ manner and rubbed the empty space between her and Erwin. 

With a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows, Hanji said, “come join us, lover.” 

Levi pretended to be forced into doing what Hanji asked, sighing and and trudging to his bed, before hopping up on top with them. His chest was pillowed on Hanji’s right breast while his body was being supported by Erwin’s legs. It was significantly more comfortable than any cuddle pile they formed at the dorms considering that Levi’s bed was both bigger and softer than the ones provided in the dorms. He felt his body instantly relax while he laid there, sandwiched between his friends. 

Erwin dropped a hand down to Levi’s head, stroking the smaller man’s hair. Levi muttered something about hand washing and lifted one hand off of Hanji’s stomach where it landed and waved it in the air like he was trying to bat away Erwin’s hand, but didn’t quite get that far. He was already falling asleep. Hanji was humming a soft song that he couldn’t place while Erwin’s hand didn’t stop petting him. He was out cold in under five minutes.   
____________________

When Levi woke up, the sun had already set and he was alone in his bed. Judging by the lit windows of the house across the street, it wasn’t that late at all. His nap, however, ended up with him asleep for nearly six hours; which was two hours more than he averaged if he wasn’t smoking. He actually felt great, all things considering. 

Listening for where Erwin and Hanji were in his house, he found them making themselves at home at his kitchen table with cups of hot peppermint tea in their hands. Levi was always more of a coffee person and grabbed one of the premade Starbucks frappuccinos that he kept in the fridge before joining them. 

“Sorry I passed out like that,” he mumbled his apology into the rim of his bottle. 

“You know those are awful for you. If you keep drinking them, you’ll probably end up on a permanent sugar high,” Hanji replied with a wide smile. Ignoring his apology was her way of accepting it. Erwin’s way was the chuckle that fell from behind his hand after she spoke. 

Levi scowled at her, still keeping the bottle near his face and retorted, “Says the person who poured monster into her espresso on the first day of class last fall.” 

That produced laughter from all three of them. That had been an interesting day. A harrowed Hanji had walked into their shared ethics class with two minutes to go before it was scheduled to start with binders stuffed full of papers almost falling out of her bag and a cup of coffee in her hand. The class started at noon, but considering the school’s tradition of partying for all of orientation week, it wasn’t surprising that anyone would be late (or even not show up!) for their first day of classes. She ended up sitting next to him while he watched in horror as she poured the monster into the coffee. 

After that, she turned to him and, after seeing the horror etched into Levi’s expression, said, “The hangover from this is going to be worse than the one that you had this morning, but at least I’ll make it through today and tomorrow.” Then she threw the possibly radioactive concoction back and was surprisingly not twitchy for the rest of the class period. 

The next time she saw Levi, she apologized for her erratic behavior and he let her know he thought she was insane. They ended up sticking together in the class, especially after she introduced him to their PA, Erwin Smith. By the time they broke for Thanksgiving in November, the two older students had accepted Levi into their circle (line, really) of friendship. 

They spent plenty of nights holed up in Erwin’s apartment; smoking and attempting to make sense of difficult assignments. When Levi got moved into a single room, they ended up moving their usual hang out place to there simply because of the dorm’s proximity to the Trost Public Library. 

And a few months later brought them here, to Levi’s family home in Shinganshina. They sat together, at his kitchen table and joked about finals week. Although it had been over a month since they happened, they hadn’t had the chance catch up since Levi left to come home as soon as he could. He was back in his house with his cat before the last scheduled final period started at RSUT. 

Erwin and Hanji were currently regaling him with a story of the end of the year floor party that had been thrown. Apparently some poor freshman named Mike had taken LSD because he thought it was Molly, but had the _best_ trip that was possible in such a situation. 

“So this kid who is high out of his mind and claimed to be seeing unicorns in the music gets up on to the table in the common room,” Hanji explained, actually standing on the kitchen table to demonstrate. Levi cringed but let her continue. “And gave the entire floor the most on key rendition of _Loving You_ by Minnie Riperton that I have ever heard before in my life.” 

That actually brought a smile to Levi’s. Hanji’s own laughter at the memory brought her down to her knees and she ended up lying down on the table in sporadic fits of giggles. Erwin had his cup of tea held to his mouth and was laughing behind it while Levi held back his own giggles behind a wide smile. 

“I’m almost sad I missed it. Almost. Did Mike get into any trouble?” Levi asked. 

Erwin answered his question with, “Nah. He settled down with Nanaba once he was done. Everyone was a little shocked for a minute before we all clapped. Someone upstairs asked us who got engaged the next day.” 

Levi pressed his lips together and turned his lips into a frown and nodded to show that he was impressed. 

“Yeah. I was sleeping in with my cat. No regrets,” Levi replied. 

Erwin and Hanji laughed at that. 

“You really love that cat,” Erwin said, making a statement rather than asking a question. 

Levi nodded. “Yup. She doesn’t judge me and sits with me when I’m not feeling well. She let me use her as tissues two weeks ago.” 

Hanji laughed again before speaking. “Come on! Lets smoke and talk about our feelings. Its team bonding time!” 

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Levi set his cup down, “Feelings are shit and I’m on vacation.” 

She hopped off the table and pat his head. “We’ll be too stoned to actually feel anything don’t worry about it. Plus I brought some weed so we don’t even have to smoke yours.” Hanji finished off trying to convince Levi by tapping him on the nose. 

Levi crinkled his nose at the touching. “Well that just means I won’t share. Fuck knows where your shit came from,” he griped. “Your dealer fucking sells heroin, I won’t touch anything that comes from him.” 

Hanji shrugged and Levi shook his head at her. “Erwin,” he said, “You get to pick who to share with.” 

“I’m with you on the never touching anything that comes from Keith Shadis front,” Erwin confirmed Levi’s suspisions. 

“Aw man, why you guys gotta hate?” pouted Hanji. 

The two boys looked at her as if she was actually stupid. “He literally calls himself Shadis. Like shady business Shadis,” Levi said, hugely surprised that she was even questioning them.

Hanji gave a full bodied fit of laughter at them after Levi spoke. “Suit yourself! He might be shady, but he’s cheap,” she said. It was all that really mattered to her anyway. Then, she decided to run up the stairs, shouting “RACE YA!” behind her. 

Erwin chuckled while Levi sighed. “You go on up. My stash is in the back of the bottom drawer of my desk. I’m going to clean up here really fast,” Levi said, grabbing the cups to wash them. He also needed to wipe down the table because fucking Hanji decided to stand on it. 

The older man nodded in acknowledgement before heading out of the kitchen as well. Levi watched him go for a moment before turning his attention back to the dishes. He flipped the sink on to hot water and let it run for a couple of seconds to heat up before scrubbing the cups and setting them in the drying rack. After that, he pulled out the clorox wipes and disinfected the table. 

FInishing up, he threw the wipes away before jogging up the stairs himself. He made sure to find his cat before going into his room. Lady Flounce was in the guest room, curled up on a pillow. Now sure that his cat wouldn’t get out, he went into his room and closed the door behind him. 

Hanji was already rolling a joint on his bed and Erwin was packing Levi’s pipe. Levi walked into his walk-in closet and changed out of his jeans and into sweats, throwing his pants into his hamper. 

“So. Just smoke out on the balcony and my door doesn’t open until the balcony door closes,” Levi said, sitting in his computer chair. 

“Sure thing, boss!” Hanji joked. She looked around the bed again. “Do you have lighters? I have no clue where mine is.” 

Standing up again, he reached for the top of the shelves above his desk, pulling an old box of tissues off it and fishing out two lighters. He tossed one at Hanji, hitting her arm because she was sealing up the joint. “Oh my god, fucking rude, Levi!” she teased him. 

She pulled the sliding door to the balcony open and stepped outside. Levi kept it pretty clean so he wasn’t worried about dirt. The flame flickered in the gentle summer breeze outside as she lit her joint. He followed her out as soon as Erwin was done packing the pipe. 

Two hits in for each of them, Hanji decided that it was time to start the feelings talk. “So Levi. Tell me about your feelings. Why do you have a case of the sads?” she said, doing her best impression of a therapist. She sat prim and proper, holding her joint as if it were a pen and using the palm of her other hand as ‘paper.’ 

Playing along, Levi sat down in the free lawn chair and put his feet up on the table and started telling a story, “Well it all started when daddy started drinking too much…” He trailed off as Hanji and Erwin’s faces fell to hard, sober, seriousness. Quickly shaking his head, he corrected himself, “Shit guys. I’m joking. Seriously. Nothing like that ever happened. My parents were never like that.” 

“Fucker…” Erwin breathed. “Seriously didn’t even give me time to get high before sobering me up again. Asshole.” The older man complained. “You owe me way more weed than this.” He glared at Levi again before cashing the bowl. He held the smoke in for a couple of seconds, being sure to actually get a decent hit off the copious amount of smoke he just inhaled. 

Levi rolled his eyes at Erwin before going inside and grabbing his grinder and returning to the same spot he was sitting in. “Pack your own bowl. You’re smoking all my weed anyway,” he grumbled before handing over the grinder. He glanced over at Hanji who was still happily dragging away at her joint. He could see her fingers tapping along the balcony quickly. She was… restless? Odd.

He ignored it for the moment because Erwin was passing the pipe to him. He lit it twice before lighting it a third time and taking his hit. Nerves. Hanji was throwing him off. But that would be gone in a few minutes. He passed the pipe back to Erwin before talking more. 

“Seriously though, Hanji. Nothing happened. Not that I can pinpoint. I was born. I got older. I got here. And somewhere along the way, I ended up unable to function like a normal human being,” Levi told her with a sigh. He had thought about it. A lot. Spending so much time alone, especially so much time alone sober, had him trying to fix his own problems for years now. He finally gave up on figuring it out when he was seventeen. 

Expecting Hanji to nod and be her understanding self for such a serious occasion, Levi was more than just surprised the only thing she had to say to him was “Normal is only a setting on a washing machine” with a shit eating grin like it was the most genius thing that she had ever thought up of. 

Erwin, who was just about to hand the pipe back to Levi couldn’t stop himself from reacting instantly, said “what the actual fuck.” 

“Shit! Sorry guys! I have no clue what’s gotten into me. Let’s do something!” Hanji said, practically flinging herself out of her seat. 

“LET’S ROB A BANK…” 

With her last sentence, she dropped her joint and laid one hand on Erwin’s shoulder and the other hand on Levi’s knee, completely serious. 

_Fuck._

Levi knew that Erwin was thinking the same string of expletives that he was. Hanji’s weed had been such a good damn deal because Keith fucking shady ass mother fucker Shadis had laced it with some shit without letting her know. 

Erwin set the pipe down on the table and tossed the lighter to Levi before focusing all his attention on Hanji. “Hanji. Look at me. Describe to me exactly what you’re feeling,” he commanded her. 

Hanji’s eyes went wide. Erwin was actually _serious_ and there was no joking lilt to his voice. “W-well… My heart’s pounding and I feel like I could kill a man and I kinda want to hit something?” she said nervously. 

Letting his attention go from Hanji, Erwin sighed. Her weed had _definitely_ been laced with something very not good. All three of them knew it now and the truth of it hung in the silent July night. 

“Can we do something? Anything? Seriously I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin…” Hanji begged her friends. Her heart was racing and it wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was nerve wracking. It felt like she was about to have a heart attack if she didn’t just _do_ something. 

Erwin sighed again. “I don’t know? Watch a movie? We can’t let you go out like this,” he pointed out to her. There really wasn’t actually much to do at the moment. 

Playing with the lighter to ease his nerves, Levi flicked it on once. Twice. Then held the open flame for a few seconds on the third time before letting it go out and repeating the pattern. He had _no_ clue how to help Hanji and it pissed him off. 

Grabbing both Erwin and Levi’s biceps, Hanji started pulling them back into Levi’s room. “Let’s fuck.” 

Levi was allowing himself to be pulled but stopped and ripped his arm out of Hanji’s grip at her proposition. “What?” He asked, frozen to the spot. It wasn’t that he was against sleeping with her, they all had slept with each other at one point or another by now, but just out of no where like this? And all together? 

He looked to Erwin who looked just as confused as Levi felt. 

Hanji already let go of them and was striping her shirt off. “Seriously. I feel like running a marathon and sex is the next best thing. Besides, I want to try out my new vagina. I haven’t had the chance,” she said, beckoning the boys forward with flailing arms. 

Erwin and Levi looked at each other again before Levi shrugged. Cashing what was left of the bowl, he brought everything back into his room and set the empty pipe on his desk. “Toss out the joint she was smoking,” he called out to Erwin. 

Being the responsible older friend that he was, Erwin had already picked up the joint and tossed it in the trash. The blond hesitated for a moment while watching Hanji attach herself to Levi and claw at his clothing. But, being a 22 year old college kid, the prospect of a threeway with two of the most attractive people he knew called him. 

“Fuck it.” 

With those words, Erwin threw caution to the wind and joined in. 

Levi and Hanji were kissing sloppily. Mouths and tongues were everywhere and it was getting a little gross actually. But, Hanji was still happy with the procession and was enthusiastically reciprocating the touches. She unceremoniously slipped her hands under Levi’s shirt and felt up the barely-there abs that he had. 

While the two younger people were busy with each other, Erwin stripped his shirt off before sliding behind Hanji and grinding into her ass. 

The rough handling of her hips drove a spike of pain through her pelvis, causing Hanji to yelp in pain. 

Both the boys backed off immediately. This wasn’t going to work if any of them were hurt. Pain wasn’t part of their particular deal. Hanji was standing hunched over, with a hand pressed to her lower stomach. Levi and Erwin were both standing an arms length away, ready to catch her if she fell. 

“Fuck…” realization hit Levi. There was no way in hell Hanji was healed enough from surgery to have sex right now. The healing time seemed to have slipped Hanji’s mind too, although Levi wasn’t sure how. She had to still be in some pain, especially after dancing on a table. 

“Heh… I guess that was a bust,” Hanji said through gritted teeth. She slumped onto the bed, hissing in pain again as her body was jostled. 

Erwin grabbed a mug from Levi’s desk and filled it with water, handing it to Hanji. “How the hell wasn’t this a problem before?” he asked. His tone was angry, but also filled with worry. 

“Adrenaline? Fuck if I know. I woke up feeling great today,” she snapped at him. The pain was making her uncharacteristically short-tempered. 

Levi was awkwardly standing to the side with his arms still raised toward Hanji. Slowly relaxing, he asked, “Is there anything I can get you?” 

Hanji nodded. “I have vicodin in my bag. Just for situations like this. Hand that to me and maybe a hot water bottle?” she asked tentatively. “Erwin you stay here and prop me up,” she ordered him after the tall blond moved to help Levi. 

The older man complied to her wishes and carefully lied down on the bed so he could comfortably spoon Hanji. Once Hanji was carefully situated half on top, half next to Erwin, Levi left them to get the hot water bottle for Hanji. 

As the adrenaline from the slight scare wore off, Levi felt himself slip back into his high. Everything was slightly blurry and his eyes felt weird, but it was a good level. He found the rubber bottle that his family used for a hot pack and filled it with near scalding water. Wrapping it in a towel, Levi took it back to his room. 

Handing it to Hanji, he spoke softly. “I’m going to go make sure all the lights are turned off. We should probably get some sleep. You probably need some rest. I have some lorazepam if you need it.” 

Hanji gratefully took the hot water bottle and pressed it to her abdomen. “Just the vicodin will put me out. Thanks though,” she replied, setting a hand on Levi’s arm in gratitude. 

Levi nodded in acknowledgement, not feeling the need to speak anymore. He saw Erwin starting to nod off and left them to it. 

After checking all the light switches and all the doors four times, Levi finally felt ready to sleep himself. He grabbed a blanket from his closet and settled in on the couch in his room. Hopefully, the rest of his friends’ visit would be less eventful than today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Sorry I took so long to get this up! It ended up being a pretty long chapter and then I had some logistical issues that I realized I needed to fix. :') Either way, I hope everyone has a great holiday, no matter what you celebrate!


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